In the last few days there have been some extremely strange facets in aviation. For example, the charter company markets flights that are carried out with almost 30-year-old Boeing 737-300s as environmentally friendly and "green" or, at Lauda, ​​the base supervisor responsible for Vienna has presumably forgotten that he is for an airline and not for a column of pushers or works a secret service.

Green Airlines is - contrary to what the name suggests - not an airline, because it has no AOC and no operating license. You charter outdated machines and market the seats on your own account. "Greenwashing" in marketing means that the Embraer 190, Airbus A319 and even the almost 30-year-old Boeing 737-300 are shown as "green". Nobody can check the alleged compensations and projects that are presented on the homepage. It is noteworthy that the company, which is based in Karlsruhe with a relevant mailbox provider, has not said a word about what it is doing so well for the environment for a long time.

Provider changes "flight partner" like underwear

It is noticeable that this charter company literally changes the airlines that are being chartered like underwear. Air Alsie was supposed to fly first, but it was reportedly disembarked before the first flight. Chalair ran a few legs between Karlsruhe and Sylt before PAD Aviation was on the road with business jets for a short time and then German Airways with Embraer 190. Now an almost 30-year-old Boeing 737-300 from Bulgarian ALK Air arrived on Thursday. This type of machine is a real fuel eater and in no way can be reconciled with environmental protection. But Green Airlines apparently doesn't care much, but apparently they were in a predicament: German Airways didn't want to comment on why they got out of the charter contract for vacation flights from Paderborn and Rostock, but still want to fly from Cologne via Paderborn to Sylt and a plans to carry out a few flights from Groningen. There is wild speculation in the industry, all of which are obvious, but the companies involved prefer to remain silent.

More and more people are justifiably asking themselves how Green Airlines actually finances itself. Stefan Auwetter is registered as the only shareholder in the commercial register. The share capital is now 25.000 euros, which in Germany is the minimum amount for a limited liability company. With 25.000 euros you don't jump very far in aviation. The entrepreneur previously worked as an employee in the software industry and ran for the local council in his home municipality some time ago for the FDP. According to his testimony to the notary in the course of the establishment of the UG or the conversion into a GmbH, he is acting on his own account.

If Green Airlines sells it, the ultra-short route is also "green"

The company has never given any information about how Green Airlines actually finances itself. But precisely this could be essential in view of the frequent changes in the chartered airlines, because according to reports, tour operators who - for whatever reason - seats with Green Airlines - assuming that German Airways would fly - get nervous. Even inquiries are made to competitors and a tour operator is said to have informed Green Airlines that the customer money will only be paid out after departure. All in all summed up. One does not create trust with the "change airline partner like underwear".

The fact that you only fly just under 130 kilometers within Germany between Cologne / Bonn and Paderborn vv and that this is also referred to as the “most climate-fair route” on social media only tops off greenwashing, which is used as a marketing tool. In fact, “greenwashing” damages the entire industry, because such actors make even serious projects by real airlines with AOC and operating licenses downright untrustworthy.

Sleeping passengers should shop at Lauda Europe

Speaking of implausible: The fact that the base supervisor responsible for Vienna no longer wants to accept “excuses” such as that passengers slept or didn't want to buy anything shows how far removed from reality some players in the industry think. Let's imagine the following scene: The base supervisor is sleeping comfortably in bed at home and, for example, a vacuum cleaner salesman rings the bell and wants to sell him something? How willing will he be to buy himself after he has been thrown out of sleep? Or how would he react to the notorious “salesman's foot” in the door? Probably not very pleased and certainly not at all willing to buy.

What should flight attendants do when their passengers are simply not hungry or thirsty and, on top of that, cannot use any perfume? If you follow the tenor of the internal service instructions, this “excuse” will no longer be accepted. So, Mr. P., will you tell your employees and the public how to sell something to travelers who are sleeping or who simply don't want anything? If you know this “secret recipe”, then you can also give courses for Austrian Airlines flight attendants and teach them how to make meat loaf with mustard for six euros for sleeping passengers ... That would be what you would call help among colleagues ...

Mr. P., put a sausage stand in front of the planes!

There is pressure on salespeople everywhere. Sales managers like to get nervous just before Christmas because the numbers still have to be polished up for commissions and management goals. This phenomenon can be found almost everywhere - be it in insurance companies, in sports shops or even in banks. But the fact that flight attendants have to justify themselves if there are more than 15 minutes between two transactions seems absurd and is reminiscent of surveillance in the style of an old secret police. The senior flight attendants even have to call the base supervisor in the evening and report the sales of the crews and immediately justify why these do not fit. As a reminder: According to Mr P., passengers who slept or did not want to buy anything do not count as an excuse.

Perhaps the base supervisor responsible for Vienna at Lauda Europe could boost sales if he set up a sausage stand in front of the aircraft while bus boarding. Holiday-hungry Austrians especially love sausages, schnitzel, kebabs and beer. If it is skillfully grilled or fried, one or the other passenger could even perceive the stand as a service, because the more classic holidaymakers on board, the longer boarding takes. No matter how often the airline can point out that the rear door should be used from row 15 and the front door before that. No matter, the vacationer wants to get in front, even if he is sitting on 30F. With hand luggage you fight against the current and stop everyone. At least I personally would find it good service if I could comfortably enjoy a sausage and a drink in the meantime and when all the hustle and bustle has subsided, I calmly get into the machine ... Perhaps Mr. P. will grasp this idea and so relieves the flight attendants?

Also a little tip to Mr P. Due to the corona pandemic, many “standers” have given up. Sausage stands or wagons are currently even available on Willhaben at low prices. Neon advertising can simply be dismantled in Schwechat at the now oversized office and one less flag might not even attract the company's boss David O'Brien, especially since it's all for a good cause, i.e. generating income for the Ryanair cash desk ...

Apparently little learned from the Stansted incident

Back to objectivity: flight attendants are sometimes treated very disparagingly by passengers. So it is a cliché that all male flight attendants are gay and all female flight attendants are only looking for pilots for the night. Both are, of course, absolute nonsense. No matter whether male or female: They are neither juice pushers nor general merchants, but the main task is safety. The cabin crew is trained for this, because if the worst comes to the worst, the correct measures must be taken within a fraction of a second. But if you are under acute sales and overgrowth pressure: In an emergency, you have such a clear head that you can take the right measures immediately and without delay. The Ryanair Group views flight attendants more as sellers, so it is not surprising that commissions flow for every cent that is generated.

Obviously nothing has been learned from the incident with the OE-LOA in Stansted. The accident report by the British authorities particularly criticized the behavior of the senior flight attendant, who, despite other instructions from the captain, is said to have hysterically initiated an evacuation with the engine running. The report shows, among other things, that improvements need to be made in the area of ​​flight attendant training. It was noticeable at the time that the "Senior" had very little previous experience and was promoted quickly.

“Self-made experts” paint the “Delta Ghost” on the wall

It is clear that airlines have to earn as much money as possible in times like these, because since March 2020 it has been tough for the entire industry and nobody knows how frosty the winter will be. But does it have to be achieved, for example, at Austrian Airlines through completely excessive prices for drinks and snacks, or at Lauda Europe through massive sales pressure?

Perhaps those responsible in politics should think about why things like the “Green Pass” have only come about now, even though the industry already had turnkey solutions such as testing all passengers before each departure last summer and autumn?

Unfortunately, it is now also the case that people who were allowed to clean the Samaritan or Red Cross ambulance in civil service see themselves as medical experts and have nothing better to do with their "pseudo-knowledge" than new horror tales with the help of questionable experts paint on the wall. It was only the British and the South African variants that were supposed to lead to the downfall of Europe, and now the horror specter is called Delta. And in autumn? Omicron? Pi? or Rho? Coronaviruses are prone to mutation and there is a high probability that it will be impossible to eradicate this virus. It will probably remain just as annoying as influenza, for example, which can also be fatal. So does it have to be that every Hinz and Kunz act as experts and paint ghosts on the wall? For what feels like 99 percent of the population, the oven is out, at best these “self-made experts” still reap a mild smile.

Satirical, green-washed proposal

But how do you solve all problems now? Fly to Bucharest and buy a tree in the hardware store that compensates for the carbon dioxide emissions and everything is “washed green”, buy a Coke can from a Lauda flight attendant and let the tree fly with a Boeing 737-300 as “climate-friendly” bulky luggage and then Plant the Lauda Europe Base Supervisor in front of the office at Vienna Airport?

It doesn't have to be a tree, by the way. A cactus does too. Perhaps Air Malta (KM) will provide "administrative assistance" and is happy to have one cactus less on the area? They grow there naturally and literally like weeds. On the subject of “greenwashing”: Plants can only convert carbon dioxide into oxygen if they have enough light. According to the biology class in high school, the effect is called photosynthesis. At night it is exactly the other way round, because plants emit carbon dioxide. So watch out, dear tree or dear cactus, you could be the next "climate sinner" ...